SHIT HAPPENS

TAOISM:
Shit happens.

RASTAFARIANISM:
Let's smoke this shit.

BUDDHISM:
If shit happens it isn't really shit.

JEHOVAH'S WITNESS:
Let me in your house and I will tell you why shit happens. No shit happens until Armageddon.

JUDAISM:
Why does this shit always happen to us?

AGNOSTICISM:
What is this shit?

CATHOLICISM:
If shit happens, you deserve it! Shit happens because you are bad.

PROTESTANTISM:
Let shit happen to someone else.

CONFUCIANISM:
Confucius say, "Shit happens".

ZEN:
What is the sound of shit happening?

JESUITISM:
If shit happens and when nobody is watching, is it really shit?

ISLAM:
Shit happens if it is the will of Allah.

PSYCHOANALYSIS:
Shit happens because of your toilet training.

SCIENTOLOGY:
Shit happens if you're on our shit list.

ZOROASTRIANISM:
Bad shit happens, and good shit happens.

UNITARIANISM:
Maybe shit happens. Let's have coffee and donuts.

RIGHT-WING PROTESTANTISM:
Let this shit happen to someone else.

REFORM JUDAISM:
Got any Kaopectate?

MYSTICISM:
What weird shit!

AGNOSTICISM:
What is this shit?

ATHEISM:
I don't believe this shit!

NIHILISM:
Who needs this shit?

AZTEC:
Cut out this shit!

QUAKER:
Let's not fight over this shit.

FORTEANISM:
No shit??

12-STEP:
I am powerless to cut the shit.

VOODOO:
Hey, that shit looks just like you!

NEWAGE:
Visualize shit not happening.

DEISM:
Shit just happens.

EXISTENTIALISM:
Shit doesn't happen; shit is.

SECULAR HUMANISM:
Shit evolves.

CHRISTIAN SCIENCE:
Shit is in your mind.

BUDDHISM:
Shit happens, but pay no mind.

SHINTOISM:
Shit is everywhere.

HINDUISM:
This shit has happened before.

WICCA:
Mix this shit together and make it happen!

HASIDISM:
Shit never happens the same way twice.

THEOSOPHY:
You don't know half of the shit that happens.

DIANETICS:
Your mother gave you shit before your were born.

SEVENTH DAY ADVENTIST:
No shit on Saturdays.

MOONIES:
Only happy shit really happens.

HOPI:
Corn fertilizer happens.

BAHA'I:
It's all the same shit.

STOICISM:
This shit is good for me.

OBJECTIVISM:
Our shit is good for you.

EST:
If my shit bothers you, that's your fault.

REAGANISM:
Don't move; the shit will trickle down.

FASCISM:
Shit makes the trains run on time.

CARGO CULT:
A barge will come and take all the shit away.

EMACS:
Hold down Control-Meta-Shit.

DISCORDIANISM:
Some funny shit happened to me today.


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